sorry ]:

stupiiidddd me! FUUUUHHHH. im stupid. i got the guts to ask her to homecoming. but it was the wrong way..i always do everything wrong! ]: i hate myself. sigh. my first homecoming dance...and i blew it ]: right when i thought everything was going the way i wanted it to...im sooo sorry ]:

i guess i should just sit out on this one.<\3

still in love..crazy huh

yup..you got it right. i am still in love with her. pretty crazy actually. she's over me. she's moved on. and for me. well everything is still there. i still love her. i still need her. i still want her. why? cause i just can't fall out of this love. i know i know. i should just give up. youve told me to so many times. but you know what? i haven't and i will never. i know i don't even talk to her that much anymore. but its the dreams i get. i dream about her almost every night. actually i dream about her everytime i sleep. yeah yeah i do love the dreams i have about her. they are perfect. but is anything really perfect? well actually there is. she is. she's perfect. she may not be perfect to you but to me..i say she's perfect. how? well i can't explain that. all i know is that she's perfect for me. well thats all i gotta say.

sorry to tell ya but i still love her.

i dont know.

welll i dont really know. she said she would try to see me. that she would bust a mission to see. she said all this after that day. that day when she just walked away. maybe its because she thinks that sorry isnt enough. really it was alright. i understand why she left.... but it seems like she just said that she'll bust a mission just to make me happy. feels like she really isnt. :\ i know im being a little too negative. but right now. it really seems like it. its like, why would she out of nowhere say she would do that. i know shes a really random girl ahaha thats what i love about her but still. she hasnt said she would bust a mission to see me in a really really long time and i thought she would never say that to me again... gahh. its so confusing. right now ill just believe she will bust a mission just to see me like the old times (even though its probably gonna be a long time from now since shes super busy now). ill shall just believe she would... cause i love her. actually i love her tooooo much. even though her heart doesnt belong to me anymore...

"hey you! yeah you! i like you.."

Hurts

you know what hurts? well let me tell you. well you know when you get the guts to say that one phrase again. you know that crazy phrase. you know that three word phase that has so many meanings to it. yes "i love you". well yeah when you get the guts to say that to that one person again.well yeah you say it to her and right after you just freeze up. and time just stops. you sit there. you wait and wait. but nothing ever comes. you were just waiting for her to say it back. to at least just say it. but it never comes. it crushes you. you feel as if your heart has just dies. feels like all that hard work to just say those three special words was for nothing..thats what hurts.

really now

do i really still have feelings for her?? hmm. i guess i do. but why?? i barely even talk to her. and plus i think she already likes someone else. sigh. if i had to say what our status is. i woulllddd say barely friends. o well. since im starting a new school monday it should really get my mind off of her. eventhough every night i see yuki and it makes me sad...well..anyways i should really get her off my mind..but how? how do i just stop thinking about my first love. my first kiss. my first real girlfriend. my best friend. impossible

"give me atleast one last day to be with her. and ill be happy"

Is it a passion?

Every time i break i just get this feeling. its like when i dance all my worries go away, all the stress, and all those bad thoughts. i may not be what you call the best but im trying to get there. i know all the great bboys were already amazing when then were only little kids and all and i only started like what? idk but i wasnt a little kid. but no matter what im gonna try my best to get up there even though im really lazy im still gonna try. so is it really a passion? or is it just a little hobby i do to get my mind off things? i dont really know right now lets just say its something i love to do [:

"break dance not hearts"

the road not taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

right now there are two roads diverged in a yellow wood. its either go to burroughs and start all over again but lose my friends, or stay in providence and keep all my friends but make my family spend more money on me when we are going through these hard times. i really want to take both roads but both of them have consequences. lose my friends or ruin my family budget. im gonna be thinking about his decision a lot.

but other than this decision i also have another problem...i want to say i love you to her but yet i know it will ruin everything again but if i keep my mouth shut she will never know. i was so close to telling her that i loved her last night..but i stopped myself before i did. i know we are both trying to get less attached to eachother and i think its working out...but yet i also think it isnt. trying to get less attched to the person that you cared for loved trusted and the one you talked to the most is impossible. i know nothing is impossible but this...this is impossible. but right now i will accept the fact that we are just "friends" now. and i will choose to not hurt her or break her heart ever again and to do that i should get unattached right now. i will try my hardest to. i do not want to make promises because like she told me....

"never make a promise that you know you cant keep..cause it will just hurt the one that you are making the promise to"